Love Languages VS. The Endless March of Time

In the October of 1992, Gary Chapman Published his book, titled “The 5 Love Languages”. His book flopped. In the first year after the book’s publishing, it only sold 8,400 copies. The world was almost completely unaware of Chapman’s theory of love. Jumping forward about 33 years, love languages have become mainstream. Why wouldn't it? Every era in human history has relied on the increasing specification of human beings, and this one is no different. To get on the same page of what the 5 love languages are, they are known as: gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. These are a bit broad, and most likely intentionally so. When you have to summarize all experiences related to romantic love, it makes sense to go broad and stop at 5, then become too obscure. Mostly, I do not have a problem with this theory. It does its job, it's an interesting thing to think about and can create a good starting point for a lot of relationships. My problem with this theory is that people take it as fact. Scientifically, it has largely been disproven, and most people either don’t care or don’t know. This isn’t the biggest deal in the world, if taken at face value its more beneficial than it's not, but much of its criticism is when it's taken at a deeper value. People criticize it for creating co-dependent or toxic behaviors between partners, and that can be dangerous and unhealthy. This can be a serious problem for many people, who prioritize their partners' needs over their own, who don’t fill the necessary quota of affection with the intentionally vague outline, and the foundational problems of the book of inherent misogyny and heteronormativity. Just take it from me, try to take anything with a grain of salt, it may help enrich the flavor. 

Lovingly Spiraling Down a Chasm of My Own Making.

From a young age, Valentine’s Day was made separate from its romantic love visage. It was full of parties and candy and platonic affection among kids in the same class. And as years have gone by and I’m in high school now, the brains of me and my peers have developed. With these developments have come a greater understanding of love. And this has left me a bit estranged from many of my peers. Some of you may know of my constant words against the notion of love and affection, and this column isn't meant to refute my prior statements, I’m just here to reframe what I have said and give more context for my current situation. I consider myself as AroAce, which if you don’t know what that is, is not very important for me to fully summarize what that means. The bottom line is, that I don’t generally feel romantic attraction. And this is where my brain makes everything more confusing. Because on some level, some base instinct of human nature or nurturing based upon hundreds of years of tradition, I do want to experience these emotions. Have a perfect person, to not be alone as I age, till death do yee part and all that. On the other side of this chasm that is my brain lies my flaws, my preferences for solitude and personal independence, and my lack of want for kids. This has created a small conflict within me. Both sides have their arguments, both have their pros, and both have their cons, yet both are held up to my standards. And my standards have been the deciding factor since the day I gained consciousness. In the face of difference, in the face of standards, in the face of tradition, “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference,” Robert Frost. And between these chasms lies a bridge, and as I test its strength it holds sturdy, the gap is less of a gap and more of a middle ground, and at this middle ground I may stand, but at this middle ground, any may stand, until the ages of time have become nothing more than a distant memory. I end this column with but one notion, you should be the love you wish to see in the world, not the love that is or was forced upon you by a St. Valentine's Day, but the love you chose, yourself, to inspire. 

-Austin

The Valentine’s Day Illusion: Love in Hollywood vs. Reality

Valentine’s Day is often painted as the ultimate celebration of love. Roses, grand gestures, and cinematic moments make us believe in soulmates and fairy-tale endings. But while Hollywood loves to sell the idea of perfect love, reality often tells a very different story.

Look at celebrity relationships, for example. The couples we once saw as a representation of true love have all fallen apart like: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, and even Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. The divorce rate in Hollywood is staggering, with studies showing that celebrity marriages are more than twice as likely to end in divorce compared to the general population. Even the longest-running relationships aren’t immune to breakups, proving that love isn’t just about finding the perfect person- it’s about effort, compatibility, and a whole lot of work.

Yet, movies and TV shows continue to push an idealized version of love that makes it seem effortless. The “right person” always appears at the perfect moment, grand romantic gestures solve every problem, and somehow, love alone is enough to overcome any obstacle. But in real life, love doesn’t just fall into your lap. You have to put yourself out there, build connections, and accept that relationships aren’t picture-perfect.

This Valentine’s Day, instead of buying into the illusion, maybe it’s time to rethink love. Instead of waiting for a Hollywood-style romance, focus on real connections, self-growth, and the relationships that genuinely add value to your life. Because in the real world, love isn’t about magic; it’s about showing up, trying, and understanding that perfection doesn’t exist. And honestly? That’s what makes it real.

-Seun